Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
