It's just like the Real World with babies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize