hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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