After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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