You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
