Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
