Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
