We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
