i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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