u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
