Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
