so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
