I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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