My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
