Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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