I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
