Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
