i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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