so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
