The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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