I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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