Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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