You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize