so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
