he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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