After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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