He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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