The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
