Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
