Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
