So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
