My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize