I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
