Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize