When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
