DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
