I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why do cheetos always look like penises
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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