You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
