Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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