I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
