90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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