I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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