Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
