we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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