see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Randomize
