Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
