I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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