omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
