the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
