you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
