Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
