so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
