As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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