I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do vagina's smell?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
