i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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