guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
