CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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