walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
