You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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