This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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