Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize