Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
