He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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