Already got asked if we're dating
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
