it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
