Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have demons in me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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