Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
