Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
