He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
