you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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