I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
