Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
