Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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