We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
