I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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