The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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