John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
