Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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