I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
