She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize