u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
