you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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