I accidentally had phone sex last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
