The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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