SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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