I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
