textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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