He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
