Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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