smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
