So drunk its hurt
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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