Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
