i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
