i think i have herpe
just one?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
