she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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