So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
