i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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