I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
