Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
