he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
