Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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