For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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