I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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