I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
