Define "chronic" masturbator.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
